Drie Stapjes Meer

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Reality shows unraveled: the difference between the Dutch and the Flemish

If you, like us, regularly watch Dutch and Flemish reality shows such as B&B Full of Love, Winter Full of Love, First Dates, Meester Visser, Behind Closed Doors or Ik Vertrek, you eventually start to recognize patterns.

In fact, you would think you’re doing some kind of field research into human nature.

Identical scenarios repeat themselves, even if the person who experiences them is experiencing them for the first time. Whilst it may be a life crisis for the participant, for the viewer, it is “the umpteenth episode about fences”.

Ik vertrek (I’m leaving)

Ik vertrek is remarkably often about people who let themselves be fooled, driven by the persistent idea that the grass is always greener on the other side.

Usually that grass turns out to be not only less green, but also difficult to reach, full of obstacles and with a permit process of three years. If there is a permit at all…

Dreams collide with bureaucracy, lack of money and a contractor who says “mañana” and really means it.

Meester Visser

Meester Frank Visser makes a statement invariably revolves around fences, tall trees and easements whereby foul language is not shunned.

Boundaries that were once practical become emotionally charged over the years. With a compromise, Meester Visser often manages to put an end to years of quarrels and nagging.

It is striking how tall trees and fences turn out to be an eyesore for many people, literally and figuratively.

Sometimes I think: if only neighbours had talked to each other earlier, or had taken a pair of pruning shears, we might have needed Master Visser far less.

Behind closed doors

In Behind Closed Doors you learn that honesty rarely adds any value. The truth is often spoken without regard for the consequences, and works as a weapon rather than a bridge.

Often it seems better not to say certain things.

“He who always speaks the truth is a cruel man,” someone once said.

And after a few episodes, you start to suspect that that person might have been right.

B&B Full of Love

In B&B Full of Love and Winter Full of Love you can see how what seemed attractive in a photo actually comes with a lot of baggage. And suddenly is no longer that attractive.

Falling in love later in life is not easy, and women often compete for first place, not so much out of love for the man, but out of the need to win.

As if the program is secretly half dating show, half Olympic discipline.

First Dates

First Dates is the most instructive of all.

Vocabulary

In the Netherlands, a striking number of light-hearted filler words are used. The vocabulary consists of words like nice, bold and very nice. Or super, hard, gangster, and …. so to speak.

Words that should cover the entire spectrum of human emotions. It really feels like people are talking in emojis these days.

Their: also a personal pronoun nowadays?

And I haven’t even mentioned the confusing use of hen and hun, or of die and dat in the Dutch reality shows yet (the latter also in the Belgian ones).

My toes curl when I hear someone say, “Hun doet … or de man dat …”. At that moment I know one thing for sure: some things are better not picked up from the Dutch.

Moment de gloire

With tattooed people and vegans, the conversation invariably circles around that one overriding topic.

Content creators and fashion and music creatives, on the other had, seem to be less looking for love than for their five minutes of fame on television.

If they casually talk about their band, company or website – with some name dropping on the side – you know what they’re after. Love is a bonus, but airtime is better.

Pick up the bill? Whoa…

What is striking is that women rarely, if ever, pick up the bill. At most, they hesitantly propose to ‘split’, but no woman will insist further if the man proposes to pay for the two. (in heterosexual couples). It is very clear that women expect to be treated.

With lesbian couples, there is always splitting anyway. Never will a woman pay for both women. Not in this programme, that is.

I have already experienced it myself, but it remains a remarkable observation. Didn’t women want to be treated equally?

Apparently, this equality exceptionally does not apply when it comes to paying. So women could still learn something from men when it comes to being generous.

P.S. : Splitting is called ‘going Dutch‘ in Anglo-Saxon countries. Says a lot, right?

A very interesting article on this theme can be found on the website of Karina De Ruyck.

Instant click

What is also striking is that everyone is looking for that ‘instant click’. As if infatuation and love can be commanded.

And if that click is not there after ten minutes, the emergency exit is already carefully examined.

Laundry list of wishes

Men have a reputation for judging women, but programs like this show that women are much more picky than men.

Women have a whole laundry list of wishes when it comes to a man.

He must be attractive, confident but not arrogant, funny but not childish, thoughtful but independent, ambitious but not workaholic, warm but also tough. And preferably also be able to cook. Plus so much more….

Discard

Moreover, women hate to be rejected, so they keep control by being the first to reject the man.

When the moment comes to decide whether there will be a second date, you can bet that the following will happen:

• If the woman speaks first, you know that she is going to reject the man. If she starts with “I had a really nice date with you…”, you know that a but is guaranteed to follow.
• On the other hand, if she lets him speak first, chances are she’ll consider a second date – as long as… he does not reject her first.
• If he rejects her, she can still agree with him by saying that she also does not want a second date.

Clever, right? This way she always remains in control and does not lose face. Women are excellent at Stratego games.

Mainly students

Many participants in First Dates turn out to be students from one or another soft or creative field of study. Sometimes you even get the impression that the whole of the Netherlands is full of – often over-aged – students.

Not surprising, by the way. The Netherlands seems to have come up with an almost endless series of the most diverse fields of study.

In Belgium, the education is more structured. And the system whereby students can continue to study for years is currently also under scrutiny here. Finally.

Because to be honest, I never understood why you were allowed to continue to the next year taking the courses with you which you didn’t pass. In my student days, you only continued if you had passed everything. Period. And believe me, that did work as an incentive.

Balancing act

What also strikes me is that dating is a constant balancing act between commitment and nonchalance. Just enough to make the other person curious, but not so much that he or she immediately gets a responsibility on his or her plate.

On the one hand, you have the serious type with a fixed income or children. A lot of commitment, but surprisingly often no success on a date.

And on the other hand, you have the “If it doesn’t feel good, then it stops, right?”-attitude: zero commitment, and also zero reason to continue with it.

Both types make dating difficult, just for very different reasons.

Dutch versus Belgian TV

The Netherlands

In the Netherlands, reality programs rarely seem to be allowed to be boring. The pace is high, conflicts are played out faster and emotions are thrown on the table without much detour. With Meester Visser, for example, things sometimes get really bad.

Dutch reality → loud, fast, conflict, entertainment.

Flanders

In Flanders, the opposite is happening. Flanders makes the same programs, but they flow along more calmly. What the Dutch consider assertive, we in Flanders quickly see as aggressive.

Conversations are more circumspect, conflicts become less pronounced and silences are allowed to remain. On the one hand, that feels warmer, although it sometimes makes the whole thing a bit well-behaved.

Flemish reality → quiet, polite, sometimes a bit slow. Sometimes even so quiet that it gets a bit boring.

Drama or dialogue?

You could almost summarize it like this: the Dutch make television out of it, the Flemish television more of a conversation.

And perhaps that is exactly where the difference lies: the Dutch are used to playing out the conflict immediately, while the Flemish first walk around the table three times, drink another coffee and only then say what they actually mean. If they do that at all…

Emma