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Children of successful parents

What is it like to be a child of parents who have achieved everything? Read about pressure, fear of failure and finding your own way.

Don’t look at the parent, but at the child

“A famous name often resembles a coat, which, made for the father, is too big for the son.” Fliegende Blätter.

We were talking about it this week, with the friends. Children of parents who have made it in life often do not have it easy.

On the one hand, they seem to have it all: resources, networks and opportunities that are unthinkable for most children.

On the other hand, they grow up under a magnifying glass, in the shadow of their parents.

Every step is looked at, every success compared. It can be difficult to find their own identity, apart from the achievements or image of their parents.

Friendships can feel superficial, because they are never sure if someone sees them as a person or as a ‘child of’.

Feelings of inadequacy, fear of failure or frustration can arise, even if they themselves deliver great performances.

Yet there are also advantages: they have access to networks that remain closed to others. Many of these children also develop great resilience and self-awareness due to their unique situation.

As H. Jackson Brown says, “Self-confidence is the greatest gift a father can give to his child.”

The fils à papa: privileges and challenges

The term fils à papa, literally “father’s son”, refers to young men from wealthy or influential families. They often have everything within reach: luxury, network and opportunities that others don’t have.

But appearances can be deceiving.

They are always compared to dad. The feeling that success is never entirely theirs makes it difficult. The search for one’s own identity does not help either.

In the 60s, 70s and 80s, this phenomenon was more noticeable than it is now. The famous Millet generation gave it a clear face.

Social classes were clearer, origin determined study and work, and media paid a lot of attention to influential families.

When we were young, origin and status often determined almost everything. Now young people can discover that success and recognition can really come from themselves.

Nowadays, social media offer young people the opportunity to show themselves. They come out of the shadow of their parents or the expectations of their environment. Through platforms, they can share their own talents and make their own voices heard.

Personal memory

In the early 80s of the last century I traveled by train to Brussels for work. At one point, a young man threw a letter into my lap (Tinder avant la lettre).

The letter in which he asked to meet me somewhere had his father’s business card attached to it. His father held a high position in banking.

True or not, I don’t know, but I moved to the back train carriages in the following weeks, so as not to bump into him.

It’s strange how time works. Now they would swipe him away.

I did find it intriguing how some people flaunt their parents’ status to give them weight. I myself have never really been impressed by that.

For me, it is who you are that counts, not what name you bear.

Vulnerability behind the façade: Knokke Off

The film Knokke Off shows how young people struggle with complex problems. This happens despite the façade they sometimes wear outside.

On the Belgian coast, in a fashionable seaside town, their life seems carefree at first glance: parties, sun, luxury. But underneath that glitter and glamour there is often insecurity, pain and vulnerability.

The young actors and actresses come across as very natural. They are credible. You believe their emotions and their struggles with relationships and identity.

Alex struggles with the pressure of his family. Louise struggles with her mental health. The arrival of Daan, a boy from more modest backgrounds, shows how easily façades can crack. Very nice movie!

Where opportunities begin

When I look at my experiences, it seems to me that children from more privileged families often have a slight advantage over their less fortunate peers.

It is a pattern that has existed for a long time and is unlikely to go away.

At the same time, the world is different today than it used to be.

The American Dream, once the symbol of opportunity and progress for everyone, is no longer that obvious.

Certainly not in America where social mobility is limited: children born into poverty often remain economically low.

The dream of a better life through hard work and perseverance remains alive, but economically difficult to achieve.

Europe offers a different perspective. Here, social safety nets are stronger, education and health care systems more accessible, and the chance to climb the ranks is a little more realistic in some countries.

At the same time, Europeans are much more down-to-earth about their chances: they believe less in guaranteed individual remuneration than in collective security.

Young people from more educated and affluent families continue to have better access to education, traineeships and networks, which increases their chances of success.

Whereas young people from less fortunate families are more likely to encounter barriers: fewer financial resources, fewer social connections and sometimes fewer cultural opportunities.

Opportunities never depend only on talent or effort, but also on the structures around us.

If you have a story of your own or have read something you would like to share, feel free to send me an email.

You can find more of these stories on my site under ‘recent posts‘.

Emma